What if my small life is actually a BIG life?

Reader, I leaped.

Image: Monique Mulligan

“Live as intensely as possible, burn your candle of life from both ends.”
― Osho, And The Flowers Showered Discourses On Zen

We are in the car, driving home after our annual skin checks (Australia has the highest rate of skin cancer in the world, so we make this a priority). I am reading this post by

Helen Horrell

about letting her nervous system be her life’s compass; her words resonate as if she is wandering through the tangled jungle of my mind. I too have been working on stopping to listen to my body. On stretching myself in new ways, rather than damaging myself myself by taking on too much.

The how of this choice has been on my mind for months, ever since I found out my present four-day-a-week job was transitioning to full time at the end of my contract. First there was shock, but as the weeks have gone and the end date looms, I have begun touching my neck and throat while at work, fiddling with my necklace, stroking the skin. Alive with nerve endings, touching this area provides a soothing, calming response when you are feeling troubled, insecure or anxious. My body has been talking to me for months. Listen to me, it says.

Perhaps it is also saying, speak your truth. A friend tells me that my body language may be connected to my throat chakra, to an urgent call to listen to my inner Self. A call to express myself authentically, with honesty and genuine feeling. A reminder that sticking to my boundary will ultimately free up my creative flow.

A few weeks ago, I shared this Note, part hope, part what if.

“Am I making myself small? Am I choosing a small life if I do this, if I give up a career and a wage for a dream?” I ask A now, head overriding heart, thinking of things like won’t have much money, are we really ready for that? Thinking of what others might think, even though it’s not their life to live.

“I think it’s actually a big life,” he says.

The words hang between us, loaded with love and possibility.

A big life doesn’t have to mean a rising career trajectory, a bigger house, travelling all over the world, more stuff.

And what one person defines big is another’s small (and vice versa).

“It’s a whole-hearted life,” I agree. It’s my life.

At home, I make a phone call, more from courtesy, partly from curiosity. An unexpected job opportunity has risen, a capitalistic carrot in a fast-paced environment. It is more suited to my skillset and age than my physically demanding job in events. They were hoping for a full-timer, but the job could be done in four days a week, the lovely woman says, her voice hopeful. Do I want to bite the carrot? Do I want to essentially swap like for like? To squeeze more work into less hours?

Or do I want to, no, need to, prune what is no longer needed, enjoy the fruit of hard work, and allow an extraordinary ordinary slowed-down life to flourish?

I think back to this post by

Amie McNee

, to the red-flag words “fast-paced, action packed” in the job ad I didn’t ask for, but was sent my way by a colleague who had already recommended me.

I remember the look of disappointment that flashed over A’s face, quickly covered up by support when I said I might as well find out more about the new job. Later, he tells me what was on his mind in that split-second truth wrote on his face: You finally have an opportunity to free up space for writing - take it.

I remember the year I experienced burnout, the year of chronic upper body and arm pain I haven’t written about yet. I remember ignoring my body’s messages until it stopped talking and knocked me over. I have made a point of listening since then.

I think of this post by

Saved by Grace

which asks:

If you had a year (or more) to do exactly what you wanted to do, what would it be? Life is short, time is precious and although many people wouldn’t want to do what we’re doing, we all have a dream that we’d love to fulfill before we die.

- Saved by Grace

I think of my More Slow, Less Busy vow for 2025. Of all my previous Substack posts that have led me to this very point. Of the strange nerve pain that has been running through the centre of me since this new opportunity came my way … moments after I resigned from my substantive job in marketing and resigned myself to not having a job once my secondment contract ends.

And, taking a deep breath, I say no thank you to the potential sideways step and leap into the unknown.

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Ten years ago, back when having a book published was a dream, author

Louise Allan

and I started sharing Midweek Moments on our blogs. We both enjoyed a passion for photography as well as words and so, for a year, as a creative digression from the written word, we shared our favourite photos each week.

Here are a few of my Midweek Moment photos from the archives. Looking at them now reminds me that I am a multi-passionate creative, with a wide range of interests, talents, and creative pursuits, photography among them. These days I see photography as complementary to my words, rather than a digression, but either way, I’m excited by what the next season in my life (and creative life) holds.

For more from La Muse, try:

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